When Vicky Nguyen joined Dylan Dreyer on her “The Parent Chat” podcast, the conversation eventually landed on a topic many parents wrestle with: when, or if, to let kids onto platforms like Instagram and TikTok.
Nguyen, NBC News’ chief consumer investigative correspondent and mother of three daughters, ages 17, 14 and 9, has a strict no social media policy in her household, especially for her oldest. Her stance is shaped by years of reporting and conversations with experts, and comes down to timing.
She wants her girls to build confidence and a sense of who they are before stepping into spaces that fuel comparison and create pressures that are hard to shake.
“I like what Matthew McConaughey said, which is, you want to let them figure out who they are before the world starts telling them who they are,” she said. And the stakes, Nguyen added, are only getting higher. “I think especially for girls, but it’s starting to happen with boys, too. The body image, the self-esteem, the anxiety, the depression rates, all of it goes up because they haven’t figured out yet how to really just stay in their lane, run their race, live their life.”
Even without it, Dylan pointed out, kids are already absorbing those messages. “They’re exposed to enough of it,” she said, recalling a recent moment with her oldest son. Calvin, who is 9, asked her, “Do I look fat?” — a question that caught her off guard. “I was like, what?! First of all, you look healthy.”
The pressure, she noted, doesn’t stop with children. Dylan said she notices it in herself, too. “I feel icky after I look at Instagram. I’m feeling insecure, and I’m not an insecure person. I know my lane. I’m confident in my areas. But I’ll watch Instagram and suddenly I’m like, ‘Should I be going to Fashion Week?’ Because it seems like everybody I know is there, and I start to feel insecure about myself.”
For Nguyen, that’s exactly why she’s holding the line, even when it’s difficult. “That’s all I’m trying to do is let her build the foundation as strong as it can be before all of this is unleashed on her,” she said.
The boundary, she acknowledged, doesn’t always come without resistance. Nguyen said her daughter often pushes back, sometimes even guilt-tripping her, especially in settings where everyone else is connected online. At conferences, for example, other kids will ask for her Instagram handle.
“I’m like, ‘Well, just get their number,” Nguyen said. “And she’s like, ‘Mom, that’s so not cool. That is not — we don’t communicate like that. We’re not going to be texting. It’s either Instagram or nothing.’”
Nguyen doesn’t mind being the bad guy. “This may be her big cross to bear and the burden she has,” she said. “‘Oh my God, my mom was so freaking strict. She wouldn’t let me go on Instagram!”
Each episode of “The Parent Chat” is available on the TODAY YouTube channel and wherever you get your podcasts.
